Music. Always.

While growing up, I have always been a music enthusiast. 

Always singing. 

Always playing. 

Always listening. 

Always.

But as I got older, music started to actually mean something to me. The bands I idolized were no longer based solely on how attractive the members were (R.I.P. One Direction), but on how their music touched me and made me feel.

I grew up in a small, southern town raised by a small, southern family. When I was still small, everything was picture perfect. When I got bigger, I realized I was meant for bigger things. Yet, nobody understood that. Nobody understood why I strayed from country music. Or why I traded my Vineyard Vines for Pacsun and my sandals for Vans. Or why I did not (and still do not) agree with the morals and ideals that these small minds of this small town hold. I could not turn to my mother whom cried actual tears after she found out I wore a dark plum lipstick to school one day to compliment my all-black outfit and proceeded to ask me if I had started to sell drugs. I could not turn to my sisters whom told me my new style was “weird.” I could not turn to anybody. So, I turned to music because music was always there.

Always.

I remember browsing through different official Spotify playlists just listening to a variety of different songs from different genres when I came across the song “Lydia” by Highly Suspect. A band that is still one of my favorites six years later. That song contains lyrics such as “black ocean, cold and dark,” “I’ve seen better days, so unafraid in my youth—I can’t breathe, much less believe,” and “your eyes are lined in pain, black tears don’t hide in rain.” The song is pretty much full of dark language and although the true meaning behind the song is about the lead singer going through a toxic relationship along with drug abuse, I still felt like the words of this song was relatable to what I was going through at the time. I felt cold, alone, sad, and hopeless. Even though I would not wish hardships upon anyone, I cannot even begin to describe how relieving it is to hear somebody else put all your feelings into words. I just remember thinking— “finally, someone gets it.” 

Ever since that moment, my adoration for music has done nothing but grow. I am at peak happiness when I am listening to music— especially if it is at a live concert. Music has helped me make peace with being the black sheep of my family. Music has helped me through failed friendships. Music has helped me tremendously through heartbreak. Music has helped me become a more positive person. At the end of the day, music has changed me for the better and I hope it continues to do so.

Always.